Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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