Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
