i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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