woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
