theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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