i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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