Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We had to coat check the pizza.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
