How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
