He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
