im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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