Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
