i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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