Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
there's paper in my vomit.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Someone shattered a urinal.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
