I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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