I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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