The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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