life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
