I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
