It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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