You're so nebulous sometimes
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
