did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
