First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I have fence marks all over my body
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
