I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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