ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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