She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
vagina is talking i cant
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
