I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
