How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
