Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
