he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
