Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
