Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
