why didn't you poke me back
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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