he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
