and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
