hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
