i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
