pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
