Pants 0. Shit 1.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
