We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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