I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
