didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
literally had 100 drinks last night.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
