I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
