What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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