Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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