I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
