Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
honey bunches of taint.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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