at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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