Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
