I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The uberlube is also flammable
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
