Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize