At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
3 2 1 whiskey
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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