the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
