So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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