Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize