: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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