my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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