he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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