cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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