girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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