His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
