Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize