Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
