he thought i was a dude.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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