SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
