Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
The air taste purple.
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