I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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