Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
