i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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