We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
