Where did you get a picture of my penis
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Randomize
