I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
