YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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