If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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