Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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