you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
