I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize