dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
