Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
