cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
