Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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