yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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