fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
