so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Damn victory sex feels great
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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