I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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