Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Randomize
