Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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