I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Randomize