i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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