I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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