Redeem this text for a blowjob
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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