i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize