you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
