Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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